to the makers of the "Singer Smart Scissors" commercial:

You show your smart scissors cutting through what appears to be a pair of jeans like hot butter, and say it goes through "tough denim" with ease. But even though what they are cutting through looks generally like jeans, it is clear if you look at the seam where they have been cut after the smart scissors go through, that the material is extremely thin. So either these are a fairly convincing fake job, or the cheapest jeans in the world. I'm not saying your product is bad, although it's pretty unnecessary, but please, jeans are just not that thin.

to the makers of the Quizno's "Raised By Wolves" commercial:

This commercial was nothing great to start with. It had a certain nonsensical appeal, and it beats the average Subway ad (which isn't saying much), but the image of the guy suckling a wolf is not something I want to associate with eating a sandwich. But then you pulled the common maneuver of making a shorter version by cutting it down. This version is just a complete hack job that shows a clear lack of foresight that it would have to be made from the original. It takes out the explanatory shot of the longer one and leaves us with nothing of meaning, serving only to remind me of the unpleasantness of the original. Also, I saw the original, but some people might not have. The shorter one really should be able to stand on its own to some extent, and this one collapses like a house of popsicle sticks without Elmer's.

Finally, let's turn to the slogan of ifilm, which we hear surrounding each film shown on the Independent Film Channel. It is "the only place to see every film on the net," and it is wonderfully ambiguous, although since it is supposed to explain what they offer, it's not really that wonderful. The first time I heard it I thought it meant it was the only website of its kind, and its kind was a website that archives every film ever made. Once I went there I realized how ridiculous that was, although eventually something like that may come along. Now I lean toward the meaning, 'the only single site to see every film which is available somewhere on the net.' But it could also be, 'the only site to see any film that is available on the net,' i.e. there are no films anywhere on the net except there. Or 'the only site to do all of your film viewing on the net,' which doesn't really say much about their selection, just that it is compatible with your viewing desires. Now of course these aren't as likely, I'm just offering them to show the multitude of possible interpretations that make it such a crazy slogan. A whole new area of meanings is opened up if you question the meaning of the 'see' part. Does this necessarily mean seeing every frame of the movie in succession, with sound accompanying? Or could it simply mean seeing some aspect of it, even just a page that describes the movie, like IMDb has? The funny part is that of all these interpretations, none are actually all that plausible, especially if you consider movies that are traded on file-sharing services to be 'on the net.'